Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Ten Commandments


No really, OH MY GOD! As in, GOD!

Just started watching the Charlton Heston's The Ten Commandments last night with my husband. Ended up laughing so hard that I actually fell off the bed and hurt myself.

Who came up with the idea that Charlton Heston could ACT!?!?!?!?!!!!

Today husband took a day off, and we cannot stop talking in bad Cecil B. DeMille-speak.

"Oh, Great One, Father of the Children seated before you, Follower of the God of Abraham, may it please you to pass unto me the platter laden with the flesh of the cattle? The cattle which died in service to our Lord, so that its flesh may provide this humble family with sustenance."

Which causes Husband to choke, but still muster enough strength to reply, "Oh Ye Follower of the God Which Has No Name, I happy to provide this small family with whatever offering I may humbly provide. Let us eat the flesh of the cattle so that we may gain strength to more fully serve the Lord of the Isrealites."

My poor children cannot break into the ongoing joke and are left knowing only that their parents surely are the weirdest couple whom ever walked the earth...

...In Service to our Lord.

Yul Brynner is great though. I think he and Edward G. Robinson are the only ones who can do ANYTHING with that horrible dialogue.

Both my husband and I watched it every year on Easter. (His family's Jewish, mine's Christian, and it was compulsory viewing for both of us.) And neither one of us realized how truly and completely terrible this thing is. Really needs a Mystery Theater 2000 send-up. (Like: Why do the Bedouins drink out of gourds? When did they grow the gourds? GOURDS, mind you, which are squash and need both WATER and a stationary population to grow? With no trees in sight, why do the Bedouin keep using wooden spoons. "Look! A tree, which could fuel a fire! Let's whittle it into a spoon!" Why does Moses' staff keep getting longer and thicker? Huh huh, staff. If the cloak Moses wears is "the cloth of the Hebrews" then why is he the only one wearing it?)

OK, enough said. Have to go upstairs to watch the parting of the red jello, eh, sea.

Edited to add: Apparently this guy doesn't agree with me. Brilliant? Masterful acting? Oh dear.


meljean brook said...

I haven't seen this one in years, but it was a tradition in our family, too.

My favorite Heston has to be Planet of the Apes...god, I love that "Damn you!"

Bev (BB) said...

Okay, I actually had tears in my eyes reading this. Suisan, your poor children. Hehehe.

You know, I've never been all that big on Heston. Can't think of a single movie of his I'd rewatch willingly in totality. Of course, I'm drawing a complete blank on what else he starred in . . .

Kristie (J) said...

I was going to say the same thing as Maljean - he is...........something in Planet of the Apes. Another.......interesting Charlton Heston movie is Ben Hur.

Caro said...

This one was a great favorite in my house when I was growing up. When it was on, we'd pop up popcorn and the family would sit around and do the MST3K thing. Gotta love it when Hair-on Chest-on (my dad's nickname for Heston) spoke with the "voice of the prophet."

Yeah, we kept waiting for the lighting to strike. :)

Are you watching the new 50th anniversary edition? If so, I highly recommend the 1923 version. It's a not quite the hoot the 1956 version is, but there are some gems. Nothing tops Yul Brynner as Ramses, though.

Suisan said...

we're on the 1956 version.

Although husband has the boxed set which includes the 1923--says it's got soem good "Reefer Madness" bits in the second half which could be fun.

I *am* impressed with Yul. They gave him deathless prose to work with and he delivers it beautifully. But Charlton is too funny. "Why, What is this cloth upon the floor which I almost tripped over? Is this the cloth of the Hebrews? Why do you have a cloth of the Hebrews in your chamber?"

"Oh, no reason."

Pat Kirby said...

Bedoins water their gourds with horsy pee.

Well, it's a theory. ?

Suisan said...

Pat: Hee hee!

Sure it's not camel's milk?