Sunday, March 05, 2006

First, discover how many screws you have

We bought young son a bed. And we bought husband two dressers. (We have the world's largest walk-in closet. And a very small vanity. Guess if you have lots of shoes then you'll never need to wash your face.)

We bought the furniture from IKEA.

Which means, of course, that it all needs to be ASSEMBLED.

Actually, I'm pretty good at assembling knock-down furniture. But every piece we bought has at least three drawers. (And I hate putting together the drawers. And I've been making drawers all day and most of the day yesterday.)

What to do while sorting four hundred types of screws and sliding particle board pieces together? Listen to music--wasn't in the mood. Solicit the help of the five year old? "Is it my turn yet?" Em, no. She tends to grab the exact screw you need and involve it in a very complex fantasy game which must be worked out at just this instant. Or, better yet, she walks off with the screwdriver so it can be the stable master to her herd of horses. So although I'd love to treat her in a non-sexist manner and encourage her use of screwdrivers and understanding of furniture assembly instructions, I've had to banish her from the room or start shreaking at her.

I ended up putting on A&E P&P again. This is all just too much.

And now I find myself using the most intriguing turns of phrase. My children are all looking at me with their heads tipped ever so slightly to the left, a quizzical and slightly angered look in their eyes. They'd like their more familiar mother back now, I assume. But I confess that I like trouncing around in my new syntax.

Maybe I'll put in a pirate movie later.

In other news, my son ADORES his new bed. He keeps running into the room to lie on it--back straight, arms at his side, perfectly positioned on the center line. One can only hope for so much adulation from my husband.


Kate R said...

oh gawd, those stupid screwdrivers that come with the furniture. we have many, many ikea bookshelves and they all lean like the tower of piza.

drawers? you did drawers? you are an amazing woman.

CindyS said...

My husband loved the quality of IKEA kitchens. Seriously, they are well made - we just have to construct them and I have made my fair share of cupboards!

I can't believe you watched P&P again. You might go blind you know ;)

Glad your son loves his new bed. Oh, and my hubby Bob would kill for a walk-in closet - I don't know why because he isn't a clothes horse by any stretch of the imagination. *shrug*


Suisan said...

Am missing ONE SCREW on one of the dressers.

Going mad.....

Megan Frampton said...

You are a better woman than I--I would SO make the spouse do the Ikea thing (of course, I deal with all the electrical stuff, no reason why, except I am more patient).

McVane said...

Heheheh. I love doing up Ikea furniture. Even if their nutty instructions drive me potty.

*a-hem* Where is your meme?

Tara Marie said...

I feel your pain...We put together a captain's bed (3 drawers) and a set of cubbies (9 holes) for our little guy's room--huge project. But, we have 3 screw guns, 2 fully charged and the last we pulled the guts out of so Junior has one to play with, keeps him busy while we actually work.

ReneeW said...

I love Ikea furniture. But you should hear the cussing that goes on at our house whenever he puts something together. Always complaining that a part is missing or the instructions are crap. What? He never reads the blasted instructions so what's all the fuss about.

I have watched A&E P&P so many times the tape is wearing out and I have parts of it memorized.

CindyS said...

Megan, electrical scares the bejeepers out of me because I have a tendency to forget steps when doing projects. So I am sure a zapping sound followed by a 911 call would happen within minutes of me putzing with electrical.

I can do carpentry, drywall, painting (don't have patience or aptitude for wallpaper) and other manly crap, I save electrical for Bob ;)

Suisan, we knew you were missing a screw for a while now. *snort* Sorry, you so left yourself open for that but you know I love you, right!


Suisan said...

Well, I may be missing a screw (still), but I do read and follow the directions.

I have both dressers made, and the bed with its storage drawers, and I installed the storage shelves above son's bed. I only have 6 drawers left on the second dresser.

What's bad is that just as you get a handle on exactly how the object can be best put together you no longer have any need for that knowledge.

Husband has commented that maybe he should go through his clothes and donate a bunch before stocking the dresser. You think? :Headpalm:

Pat Kirby said...

I heard a funny comedian routine recently. The comedian was interacting with members of the audience. He asked one what he [audience member] did for a living.

The guy said, "IKEA furniture manufacturer."

The comedian had a field day with that comment.