Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! For just a nickel, a single shiny nickel, no more than a nickel, you can see a double feature! Not only do we have the amazing, never before seen in captivity, first time on these, our native shores, the famous Devil Rat! But today only, we have for your enjoyment! For your pleasure! The crazy animal lover who has taken the Devil Rat into her home! Yes! The mother and the animal lover! The Devil Rat and Keeper!
Now folks, just behind this curtain, I tell you, there's a sight like no other. We keep the lights dim in there folks, to keep the Devil Rat calm. But never you fear, he's safe in his cage. No hope of escape or injury there. The Keeper is the only one in danger here today, folks.
As you process through the line, stay in line! Stay in line! You'll have the chance to peer into the cage so cleverly constructed by the Keeper. Yes, it may indeed look like an average Rubbermaid storage bin, but the Keeper ensures us that it is indeed especially constructed to hold the terror that is the Devil Rat! For the Devil Rat cannot climb its sides and so stays on his structures below. As you pass the Devil Rat's enclosure (Hands to your self! Stay in Line!), the Keeper will lift the lid and allow you to peer inside.
Now! You may have heard the unsubstantiated and wholly false rumor that this Devil Rat is nothing more than a Syrian hamster! Do not be fooled by those who are jealous of our World Renowned Exhibitions! Nothing but the best for you today here, folks! This is no hamster scuttling out from under his bedding! This is no diminutive rodent rearing up on his hind legs to bare his teeth at you!
This is the one and only Devil Rat! What hamster ever displayed such clear markings of black and white? What hamster ever displayed such agility? Leaping over logs and scurrying across bricks to launch himself at the Keeper's hand with such fortitude? We all know, folks, how docile and friendly the average hamster is. Why, children even keep such animals as pets! No so with this rare specimen!
Spare some time as you pass through the curtain just behind me so that the Keeper can tell you her story! How she originally was misled to believe that this was indeed a hamster, and how she constructed a complicated tubular complex for the little menace. Give her just a moment of your time (Just a nickel, folks!) to allow her to tell you how the Devil Rat would attack her from INSIDE the tubes when she changed its water! Eventually she realized that this was no ordinary hamster, as you can see from him limber and agile form, his muscular torso, and his pointed teeth of destruction! So she disassembled the complex, putting her very life at risk as she did so, because the Devil Rat was INSIDE the tubes as she pulled them apart.
The Devil Rat is in his new habitat and with this Keeper as a limited engagement! Time is short! Only a nickel, folks, for this once in a lifetime opportunity! Tell your kids and grand kids that you saw the Devil Rat, the one and only Devil Rat In Person! A tale for the ages! And only a nickel!
Horrible part is though that the youngest daughter adores this little creep. And I'm supposed to hand tame it. Stallion? No prob? Wild Buffalo? OK, it worries me but I can slide food to it. Hamster? Yikes! It hisses and squeals to itself in preparation of my hand entering the "Training Bin" as the hamster aficionados on the web call this thing. (On the other hand, since it has no tubes, it's not peeing in the tubes, so that's one thing in its favor. I think.)
(Edited to add pictures. I like to call the first picture "Kung Fu Rat." Except for this last picture, he's hissing at me in every one. I can't really blame him for hissing at me in the towel, but I felt as if the post deserved a close-up of his teeth. Which as of yet have not made contact with my skin. Hurrah. And the second picture, where he looks to be leaning oh so casually against his fiber hide out, kicking back, so to speak? Yeah. NOT! That's him on his hind legs showing me his teeth as he prepares his attack. He really deserves a movie instead of stills. Even I think he's cute in these pictures. Humph.)