I just needed to remind myself who usually reads my blog

I went looking in my sitemeter to see if I had hit "the Google" yet on this whole ridiculous ultrasound thing, and just laughed out loud.

The Danes and the Germans still love me, although they are ever disappointed I fear when they click on my blog. They want to find pictures, I think of a certain sexual practice, but no. Instead they find only Doug and me trading friendly insults. Sigh. I am so very juvenile. (I'm going to be FORTY this year. Yeeps.) Behold the power of Teh Internets. The persistence of the searchers. The examples of sheer timewasting that such Hit Counter exercises expose. My readers, I give you my most recent hits from Google searches:

Debbie's Petland (Massachusetts)
Autocunnilingus (Germany)
Review As You Desire Brockway
Autocunnilingus (Denmark)
Autocunnilingus (Britain)
Debbie's Petland (Massachusetts)
Debbie's Petland (Massachusetts)
Virginal Heroine Contemporary Romance Book List
Namusca/Arabian Mare
Namusca/Arabian Mare (Didn't find it the first time?)
Download Sneaky Special:Black

Good reminder that sometimes a tempest in a teapot is only that. Those autocunnilingus searchers are very dedicated. And folks, Debbie's Petland has branches in Braintree, Marlborough, and Saugus. OK? Apparently they have no internet presence, but I come up as number two on a search for saying that when I was five, my parents bought me a Pomeranian in the Newtonville branch. These Google searches are so accurate, don't you think?

Ummmmm

This sort of post can get truly silly after a while, but good grief, I just had to say something.

For the last three days, these are the searches which landed people on my blog.

Debbie's Petland
The Lottery Shirley Jackson diorama
A Tale of Two Cities extended metaphor
Jack Sparrow longer face
psychics fairfield california
reneew*
leg cast thigh to toes pictures
beet vandal buster
Namusca
Debbie's Petland
Debbie's Petland
Autocunnilingus
Namusca

Three of those I'm used to seeing often (Namusca, autocunnilingus and Debbie's Petland), but "Beet vandal buster"? I really want to know. I do. What's a beet vandal anyway?

Wave and smile for the camera

For all three of my readers who have met me in real life, I hope you'll agree that my voice here is fairly close to me everyday snarkitude. Yeah, I don't expose all my flaws here, but hey, it's my decision what to write about here. So for the most part, Suisan, she is me.

I keep the mask thing going because I'm not eager for the day when a political operative is easily able to say, "This OTHER candidate likes sex and trashy novels." Yeah, I can totally deal with it, and I'm not scared of the "fight", but I'd rather not set myself up by waving a big flag and saying, "Here I am! Woo Hoo! Voters! Over here!" Besides, the fewer people who read the blog, the more freewheeling I can convince myself I can be when it comes to that one colleague I can't stop fighting with and, ahem, my mother.

So as a rule I don't blogwhore, and I don't check my stats that much.

Not many in Massachusetts read me, but occasionally a hit comes up from Leominster, or some odd place. It usually turns out that they've reached me by searching for Debbie's Pet Land, a pet store chain which I once mentioned. (Ok, now it's twice.) But today I checked and had a mild shock of alarm. Who are all these people in Boston? Why are they reading me? Aigh!! I've been outed! My mom's friends are reading and discussing the horror that is her child!

No, it turns out that the Boston Globe webpage linked to me (twice) because I do so love visiting museums with my mother. ::waves:: Here's the link. I'm really really hoping that Mom had better things to do that scour the webpage on Friday. La la la. Wouldn't think she uses the webpage. La la la. OK, this can get me nowhere. Cut it out.

Photo from Wikipedia.
If you are from Boston, Hi. Wicked Cool that you made it here. If you happen to know my Mom, could you do me a favor? Make her some tea and take her out to the MFA for me. It would cheer her up, I'm sure.

Edited to add: Damn. Now the link's not working. I'll go fiddle...

Requires registration? But I could see it before? Very confused. Anyway, here's what Geoff Edgers said in the Exhibitionist, a blog on the Boston.com website dedicated to Art News around Boston. Geoff Edgers covers Art News for the Boston Globe.

Friday, January 12, 2007
Please Ma, No More Museum Talk!

Poor Suisan. She wants to take her daughter to the art museum. And all her mother wants to do is see the Titanic exhibition. God. And she can't stop talking about Boston. Never mind that they're in San Francisco. It's Peabody Essex this, MFA that.

Wait. Why am I trying to tell this? Suisan can do it so much better.

Grudge Match 1
Grudge Match 2
Posted by Geoff Edgers at 11:32 AM

There. Now my self promotion is complete. Need Coffee.

To Start the New Year...

let's look at some oddities. (Statcounter does lead you to odd things.)

Number one: I have had more hits from Australia over the past few days than from the US.

Turns out that these guys are reading this and complaining (again) about this mare. Apparently, the entire country of Oz now loves little old me. Giggling slightly: "I'm intelligent. They think I'm intelligent." (Course they also took my link off the message board for fear of being sued. So much for blogwhoring.) Presenting Namusca, the most discussed Arabian mare on the internet. IMO? Yes, it's a birth defect, no, I don't think it's pretty and no, I don't think it's genetic.
What an Arabian head can and should look like:


Or even:

Moving on......

Number two: Someone found me looking for: "Jessica Bensonma cell phone number". And I'm on the first page for that search. I don't know me no Jessica Bensonma. But Jessica, if you're reading this, someone's looking for you.

Now that we've got the oddities out of the way, on we go to an entirely new year.

Now, how did that happen?

I'm number one on Google

Do a search for "Joshua Aristide" in quotes.

This blog pops up first.

Course it doesn't point you to the post in question, but still. To be number one. Sigh.

People who find my blog through searches find me either by looking for dear Joshua, by looking for Debbie's Petland, or by looking for evidence of that ever so intriguing sexual practice.

Pets, Scammers, and Contortionists. What a group.

Ha Ha. Very Funny

A few weeks ago I posted about how much fun it is to look up statcounter statistics. I had this conversation with Douglas Hoffman in comments:

Doug Hoffman said...
Be careful what you wish for. Today, someone found me using autocunnilingus as a search term.

Suisan said...
Oooo, BABY! Do you have some interesting readers.

(And they found you, how? Were you giving tips? Fantasizing? Hmmm.)

Yeah. So. Go on, guess the punchline.

Mmmm Hmmm. Someone visited me today using "Autocunnilingus" as a search term.

I am one classy broad. I am. And proud too.
Shit, how many pages back am I on a google search for.....Oh, never mind.

Edited to Add: I have no willpower: Doug's mention is page 6. I'm on page 11.

Site meter

I just put a site meter on the blog.

Oh dear, this is addictive. Must. Control. Urge. To. Check. Every. Five. Minutes.

One poor soul found me through a search for "Book cover with young bedouin."

Disappointed much?

Here are some I could think of:

Black Tents: My life Among the Bedouins by Carl Raswan

My Quest of the Arab Horse by Homer Davenport (The grammar in that title always bothers me.)

The Sheik's Bartered Bride by Lucy Monroe, courtesy of Bam

Not doing much on posting pictures. Blogger hates me and is trying to tell me ever so subtly that I really should finish cleaning the house. (It's almost ALL THE WAY clean, on both floors. My God, how did that happen? I guess it happened when I wasn't online checking Statcounter. Oh yeah.)