Thursday, June 29, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Words I Hate, or Thirteen Words Which Have Been Shoved Down My Throat In The Last Three Years To The Point That I Will Live A Fulfilled Life If I Never Have To Hear Them Again.

(Inspired by a conversation between Kate, Beth and me in Beth's blog, The Sum of Me.)

1. Anonymous (as in: It's too dangerous for me to use my own name, because repurcussion is a terrible thing, so I will simply tear you a new one, using your real name, while I hide behind the "if you only knew" defense.)

2. Consensus (as in: No one should disagree; it's important to reach consensus to end the divisiveness. News flash: Consensus does NOT imply unanimity. Sorry, but it doesn't.)

3. Divisiveness (as in: Your continuing to disagree with me is creating divisiveness. Well, OK then. I propose that you decide to agree with me, and we'll skip into the bright and sunny future together. You game?)

4. Decorum (Actually, I don't have a problem with this word yet. I only have a problem with the colleague who insists on using it over and over as an example of what public politics should embody. This is the same collegue who cries at meetings, slanders her colleagues in the press, and typically leaks confidential personnel discussions to the employee who is being discussed. Apparently tears work for this lady--she resorts to them all the time.)

5. Hypocrisy (see # 4, above. Then imagine the "decorous" colleague accusing those who don't agree with her as being hypocrites. Ow. My head hurts. Too many internal inconsistencies.)

6. (blank) (Can't think of a word for this. There's a scheme where people put there hands on their chests, roll their eyes to heaven and exclaim, "It's for the Children!" What is that called? Child-centric policy-making? Public motherhood? Stupidity? Lack of intelligence in logical, public discourse? Yeah, whatever it's called? I'm done with it.)

7. Lability (Labile--emotionally unstable, easily moved to tears. Dammit. Stop. Crying. It makes all women look stupid while you, either on the dais or at the public microphone, cry, moaning on about how Hard This Is. Just stop. I am unmoved.)

8. Fuck. (I'm just getting sick of it. It has never shocked me and doesn't shock me now. Nonetheless, I'm sick of hearing it every other fucking word simply to fucking demonstrate how fucking pissed you are. Got it. Lay off.)

9. "Personal Growth Opportunity" (OK, that's more than one word.) (News Flash to my Idiot Brother: Your divorce is only a Personal Growth Opportunity for you if you actually decide to change as a result of it. Insisting that everyone else change around you, so that you can feel better about yourself is, HELLO!, not personal growth. BTW, I'm not fucking interested.)

10. Loyalty ::shudder:: (To my colleagues WITH WHOM I AGREE: I should not have to express my loyalty. I have never been interested in a loyalty pledge, and would fight like hell if soneone presented me with one. I AGREE WITH YOU!! Stop talking about loyalty. Either I am a dynamic, articulate, intelligent colleague, whose opinions demand some respect, or I am an idiot with no ability to think things through who must rely on blind loyalty to a larger political agenda. Don't tell me I'm smart and then ask me to be loyal. Clearly pisses me off.)

11. Crisis (as in: While we are in this time of crisis we will have to do things differently. Question: Could you please define WHEN the crisis will be over? Because the day the crisis ends, I'd like to get some stuff done.)

12. Politician (as in: I'm not a poli-TISH-un. I just ran for this post so I could, sniff, help the children. Dude, you raised money so that your name could be placed on a ballot certified by the Secretary of State, and people voted for you. You ARE a politician. Stop pretending that you're still in the PTA overseeing a giant bake sale.)

13. PTA (What IS the deal with the PTA? Do you have to be missing a chromosome or have had your head rewired to become an active member? Anyone know? Anyone? Bueller?)

Sorry to have burdened you all with this, but I needed to get it off my chest.

My heaving, bosomy chest, whereupon my darling angels pillow their heads while I soothe their troubled brows with a gentle hand.



Darla said...

Oh, yes. I admit to using "hypocrisy" quite a bit, but generally in the sense of the person you described in #5 practicing hypocrisy.

#6 drives me up a wall (well, as if the rest of them don't--but #6 specifically does). It seems to imply that everyone with children will agree with whatever assinine thing they're promoting.

Kate R said...

this is Must READ material for anyone thinking of entering politics -- or anyone who thinks pols have an easy life.

Suisan said...

Darla, I wish I could think of a phrase whihch describes #6, because I'd like to lean into my microphone at meetings, peer over my glasses at whichever idiot is doing it and say, "Please stop (blank)ing. What IS your point?" Now I just bite my tongue.

Kate, all things being equal, I'd STILL enter politics, at least at the School Board level, because I can see how easy it is to destroy public education, while pretending that you support it.

(ex: Cut fifty million from education, then in the next year put twenty million back. Now declare, "I have increased education spending by twenty million dollars!" yeah, but we're still short by the thirty, dammit.)

What's frying me now are the blowhards who are sure that they know what's best, and insist that the elected body do it, even if it is a)impossible, or b)illegal. You have to have a fairly thick skin to stick to your point of view, and to express what your point of view is. I'm totally sick of the whiners (authors, local politicians, or members of the PTA) who moan about how hurt their feelings are now that they've entered public discourse. Deal or go home. Okay?

Wouldn't you know, I've got a Board meeting to go to this evening.

Doug Hoffman said...

Hmm. I want to hear more about that heavy bosomy chest. But that's just me.

CindyS said...

Not having children I can put many words to number 6.

Denial (they think it's best that little Johnny gets his play time instead of doing his homework and I'm Le tired - my best friend's boy just got his report card and when I read the comments I turned to Sue and asked why his homework, reading assignments and another thing weren't done - that was the response I got - hmmm, placed into grade 4 and she wants to know why they have to put *placed* Because he didn't pass you dumbass - make your kid do his homework - ooops, sorry, now my shit is all over your blog!) Manipulation (If I rent my clothing just right you will feel pity and be moved into action - invite my kids to your house for a swim and provide all food and beverages oh, and where's the beer?) Again, with my shit.

Having dealt with the public in a service industry I can tell you that most of them suck. There's always a few good eggs though.

CindyS (horrible at cheering you up)