Thirteen Words I Hate, or Thirteen Words Which Have Been Shoved Down My Throat In The Last Three Years To The Point That I Will Live A Fulfilled Life If I Never Have To Hear Them Again.
(Inspired by a conversation between Kate, Beth and me in Beth's blog, The Sum of Me.)
1. Anonymous (as in: It's too dangerous for me to use my own name, because repurcussion is a terrible thing, so I will simply tear you a new one, using your real name, while I hide behind the "if you only knew" defense.)
2. Consensus (as in: No one should disagree; it's important to reach consensus to end the divisiveness. News flash: Consensus does NOT imply unanimity. Sorry, but it doesn't.)
3. Divisiveness (as in: Your continuing to disagree with me is creating divisiveness. Well, OK then. I propose that you decide to agree with me, and we'll skip into the bright and sunny future together. You game?)
4. Decorum (Actually, I don't have a problem with this word yet. I only have a problem with the colleague who insists on using it over and over as an example of what public politics should embody. This is the same collegue who cries at meetings, slanders her colleagues in the press, and typically leaks confidential personnel discussions to the employee who is being discussed. Apparently tears work for this lady--she resorts to them all the time.)
5. Hypocrisy (see # 4, above. Then imagine the "decorous" colleague accusing those who don't agree with her as being hypocrites. Ow. My head hurts. Too many internal inconsistencies.)
6. (blank) (Can't think of a word for this. There's a scheme where people put there hands on their chests, roll their eyes to heaven and exclaim, "It's for the Children!" What is that called? Child-centric policy-making? Public motherhood? Stupidity? Lack of intelligence in logical, public discourse? Yeah, whatever it's called? I'm done with it.)
7. Lability (Labile--emotionally unstable, easily moved to tears. Dammit. Stop. Crying. It makes all women look stupid while you, either on the dais or at the public microphone, cry, moaning on about how Hard This Is. Just stop. I am unmoved.)
8. Fuck. (I'm just getting sick of it. It has never shocked me and doesn't shock me now. Nonetheless, I'm sick of hearing it every other fucking word simply to fucking demonstrate how fucking pissed you are. Got it. Lay off.)
9. "Personal Growth Opportunity" (OK, that's more than one word.) (News Flash to my Idiot Brother: Your divorce is only a Personal Growth Opportunity for you if you actually decide to change as a result of it. Insisting that everyone else change around you, so that you can feel better about yourself is, HELLO!, not personal growth. BTW, I'm not fucking interested.)
10. Loyalty ::shudder:: (To my colleagues WITH WHOM I AGREE: I should not have to express my loyalty. I have never been interested in a loyalty pledge, and would fight like hell if soneone presented me with one. I AGREE WITH YOU!! Stop talking about loyalty. Either I am a dynamic, articulate, intelligent colleague, whose opinions demand some respect, or I am an idiot with no ability to think things through who must rely on blind loyalty to a larger political agenda. Don't tell me I'm smart and then ask me to be loyal. Clearly pisses me off.)
11. Crisis (as in: While we are in this time of crisis we will have to do things differently. Question: Could you please define WHEN the crisis will be over? Because the day the crisis ends, I'd like to get some stuff done.)
12. Politician (as in: I'm not a poli-TISH-un. I just ran for this post so I could, sniff, help the children. Dude, you raised money so that your name could be placed on a ballot certified by the Secretary of State, and people voted for you. You ARE a politician. Stop pretending that you're still in the PTA overseeing a giant bake sale.)
13. PTA (What IS the deal with the PTA? Do you have to be missing a chromosome or have had your head rewired to become an active member? Anyone know? Anyone? Bueller?)
Sorry to have burdened you all with this, but I needed to get it off my chest.
My heaving, bosomy chest, whereupon my darling angels pillow their heads while I soothe their troubled brows with a gentle hand.