Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Idiot Who's Related to Me

And that would be my brother.

What a moron.

Over the past two days I have had three calls from my Dear MaMa begging me to call him. Because I am the Voice Of Reason (Which therefore means that he wants nothing to do with me). I so completely do not care at this point. In a grand and noble sense, I wish that he could get his life on track, but personally, I have no interest in helping him on the journey. I wish that he could be nicer to his children -- if you've heard the Alec Baldwin tape then you've heard my brother go after his own two sons. He used to go after me with the same self-centered spitting rage when we were kids. (Come to think of it, he's done it a few times when we were adults too. The rages didn't last as long though, because I generally can hang up on him before he got rolling.)

My mother insists that she had no idea that he was like this when we were kids. Uh huh. The story you tell that he "broke all the dining room chairs one time when he was angry" never clued you in?

This weekend his girlfriend left him, and he called my mom to tell her that he had been crying for days. She told him to suck up his pride, call her, and apologize profusely for whatever he had done, and to do whatever it takes to get back into a "good relationship" with her because she was good for him. He made some sort of comment that although she would talk to him, she wasn't going to come back because he had done something which had scared her.

Dude. In general? Scaring your girlfriend is not a good idea.

Mom keeps coming back to the idea that he has to get back with her, or at least realize that his mania or rage or Bipolar disorder or narcissism, or whatever is affecting his relationships. Time to hie thee to a therapist.

So she wants me to call him to bring that point home. Uh.... No.

I keep coming back to the fact that he admitted to his mother that he did something to his girlfriend which scared her. She has the right to walk away, and should be encouraged to do so. I've got no confidence that he'll gain much from therapy at this point, unless he hits bottom somewhere. He's 45, not 25. He really thinks the world revolves around him and that he has the right to scream and rant at anyone who doesn't agree with him. Shifting that focus which has been entrenched for about 40 years is going to take A Lot Of Work, and I can't be arsed to get involved at this point.

But The Mother. She won't stop calling.

I guess I can call the brother, listen to him whine, and then experience some catharsis by ripping him down as I point out every little way his current mode of behavior isn't working. It wouldn't be a) kind, or b) productive, but it might be evilly fun. At least then I could tell The Mother that I called him.

Sitting on hands...


Bev (BB) said...

At least then I could tell The Mother that I called him.

Sitting on hands...

Heh, now admit it. You actually enjoyed working your way around to that little bit of twisted logic, didn't you? :D

Sometimes we just gotta take what pleasures we can get outta life.

Marianne McA said...

Or you could just lie to your mother...

When my niece was diagnosed as autistic, one of the odd side effects was that the entire family began to self-diagnose themselves as having autistic type behaviours. Even my older sister, who is the most un-autistic person imaginable (brilliant with language, socially adept - and apart from a black hole where her sense of direction should be, perfect) told me in all seriousness that she could see autistic traits in herself. So perhaps we're inclinded to see autistic spectrum disorders where non exist.

However: if the suggested diagnosis of your son with Aspergers is correct - maybe your brother has difficulties on that spectrum too. Somehow the extreme lack of empathy sounds a bit that way.

Suisan said...

Bev, you'll be So Surprised to learn that I did call him. Oy. All suppositions are confirmed. He's an idiot.

Mariane, could be. Both his kids are ADD, and he was diagnosed with ADD as an adult. (But he won't take the medication. Idiot.) Mostly he's Bipolar. Right now he's in a self-destructive manic phase. Hasn't slept in three days. Reorganizing his desk. Exhibiting some paranoia. Really a pleasure to converse with.

He's also a spoiled brat, which doesn't help matters. He's blaming the breakup with his girlfriend on his soon-to-be-ex-wife. Because she won't give him the divorce he needs with the visitation he needs.

One hour conversation. Working on his "efficiencies" and "Productivity indexes" and "Functionalities". (Don't even ask. I don't know what all that means either.) Talked about how he was going to dedicate himself to self-examination and improvement.

Never mentioned his sons or his relationships with them once.

He's either mildly psychotic or manic. Either way, he's not seeing that there's a problem so he doesn't see the need to get help.

(And, sounding exceptionally mean here, there goes another hour of my life I'll never get back.)

CindyS said...

Men really are the hardest to convince they have a problem. My brother has certainly not be in a rage or physically moved objects in anger but I have told him that I think anger management would be something he should look into. He says he's not angry. That he likes to provoke people and that it's just in fun but he doesn't know when to quit. He will push and push and push and won't let in and the person he is talking with (arguing) gets frustrated beyond belief.

It's to the point where I don't know what he truly believes and what he's just putting out there to make people crazy.


Sorry about your brother. I would suggest an intervention but I wouldn't want you to be there for that. Maybe your mom and dad can tell him to go get help or not hear from them again.

So, yeah, no help from here ;)