Social Anxiety

Apparently from this post, I had a strange dream last night about Megan.

I dreamt that I was in a large room of people I did not know, feeling slightly social, but slightly ill at ease. Then I saw Megan and said, "I hope your book's going well, you know, and that you can finish it quickly," and then walked away. As I'm walking away, I'm thinking, "Well, that was a little rude. I didn't even say Hi."

So I walk back across the room, broke into her conversation with three other ladies at the party and said, "I didn't mean to put pressure on you that last time about writing the book. What I meant to say was that it's OK for your character to ride double on horseback if she's sitting on his lap. If you've got her sitting behind him, then there's too much weight on the horse's back. You need to put her on his lap."

And then I walked away thinking, "I still never said, 'Hi' or 'Nice to see you' or "I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Suisan' or 'Hope you're having a good time.' The only thing I can do is jump into some conversation we almost had about horses. Non sequitor, indeed."

So I turned around and tried again, feeling mildly alarmed at this point.

"Hi!" I said. "Sorry to interrupt, I mean interrupt again, I mean, um. Hi! What I meant to say before is that I hope the writing goes well with the book and maybe you can finsih it quickly, because I know you want to, and that I'm sure the horse thing is going to be fine, because I'm really nitpicky and annoying and sort of crazy-detail-oriented, and you don't have to do anything to please me, and, um. Oh! I'm Suisan! Hi!"

At which point Megan turned around and looked at me. Complete pity was written all over her face. Pity for me, I think, that I was such an inept klutz at a party.

Only problem was, in my dream, she was Norman Mailer.




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Megan, I'm really, really sorry that my subconscious did that to your lovely face.