Monday, May 01, 2006

Smart Bitches Day

OK, so for Smart Bitches Day, as proposed by the lovely Beth, you're supposed to write about something that gets you crazy in Romancelandia. No holds barred, full on bitch-kitty ranting.

Sounds like fun, except that today I can't quite figure out what makes me tear-my-hair-out-nuts. Instead here's a list of minor annoyances.

Sex is squishy and messy. I don't really want to hear about bodily functions all that much, but, ummmmm, yeah. Sex outdoors--no grass stains for the servants to raise an eyebrow at? Sloppy seconds and thirds, and then lots of sitting in the Great Hall/Morning Room and no stains? (But that virgin blood on the sheets demands an extreme close-up.)

Are there no colors other than jewel tones? Amber eyes, etc. (What color amber? Because it comes in about seven shades of yellow to orange to red.) (Oddly personal aside here: In college I was supposed to write a composition in French wherein I described something. The unit focused on color vocabulary. So I opened my thesaurus and listed every blessed color I could. Then I opened my French/English dictionary and wrote down the translations for as many words as I could find. Five paragraphs done in twenty minutes--mostly just listing colors. The professor practically wet herself, she was so pleased with my essay. Ummmm. It's a list of words. But, OK, sure, give me an A. I won't complain.)

Long travels over land where the coach horses are rested or switched, but the horse the hero rides, so as to avoid being cooped up with Little Miss and her obnoxious chaperone, but which enables him to have conversations with Little Miss through the window, apparently never tires.

Duke, Duke, Duke. Duke of Earl, Earl, Earl. Marquess? Baronet? (Sir Percy Blakeney was a Baronet. What's good enough for the Scarlet Pimpernel is good enough for any poor sod named Damien. Or Lucien.)

Braies, Chausses, Hauberk, etc. I always have to look these up. Personal memory problem--especially since I have decided not to read Contemporaries. Every time a Medieval hero touches his clothing I have to struggle to figure out whether he's removing his shirt or his pants. Slightly distracting.

That seems to be all I've got stored up today. Pity--seems like there should be more.

Well, the sun is finally shining, so maybe I'm just not in a Bitchy mood. (But soon the coffee will run low, and then, who can tell?)

Happy May Day!! (Take a minute today, if you will, to consider what immigration law will do to the restaurant, construction, and janitorial industries. Butcher Husband has two distributors who are not even delivering today, since they're pretty sure there won't be enough cutters on-site at meat plants today to fill orders.)

5 comments:

Doug Hoffman said...

I have a paper bookmark on which I write strange words I need to look up later. That's how I learned dogsbody and lots of other fun words. Like pizzle, for example ;)

Bev (BB) said...

Braies, Chausses, Hauberk, etc. I always have to look these up. Personal memory problem--especially since I have decided not to read Contemporaries. Every time a Medieval hero touches his clothing I have to struggle to figure out whether he's removing his shirt or his pants. Slightly distracting.

LOL! Or it could be a hat, you know. I tend to have the same problem although usually more with later time periods. Like the ones between Medieval and Regency. Restoration England is one that drives me nuts with all those do-dads they have on their clothes.

Beth said...

Awww, thanks! You're lovely too!!

And you don't have to bitch if you don't wanna. SBD is for gushing as well. Whatever it is, it can't mince words and must be honest.

And the whole medieval clothing thing? I spent like more than a year writing a medieval and I STILL can't remember what the damn words mean. Armour is especially horrifying.

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