School Daze (Shameless cribbing of title. I apologize.)

I have two children in Elementary School. Another is due to start Kindergarten in September. (Actually August since we start before Labor Day. Long story.) Kindergarten registration is on March 28 or thereabouts. So I went online to verify that I have to BRING the immunization record with me. (Maybe I could fill something out in advance and bring it then? No. No such luck.)

And I discovered that this is what I need to bring.

The following documents are REQUIRED for enrollment:

Birth Certificate (certified copy)
Immunization record (copy of official records)
Proof of [Name of Town] residency
(2 proof are required as listed below):

Mortgage coupon book with name and [Town] address
Rental/lease agreement signed by tenant and property owner
Purchase contract with anticipated close of escrow date

AND

Current utility bill with name and [Town] address

Updated 2/5/06

I'm sorry. Are they freaking kidding??? My little anarchist heart is thumping with anxiety.

First, I don't have a mortgage coupon book. (Yeah, I know that I can bring a mortgage *bill* instead of the coupon book, but --whining-- that's not what the list said.) Second, I'm a sucker for overthinking, so I'm trying to figure out why I need 2 proofs from the first selection PLUS the utility bill. But then I unthunk the overthinking part and realized that the mortgage bill plus the utility bill qualifies.

And do I *have* a certified copy of her birth certificate? Eh.... This is the problem with having three kids; all t's are crossed for the first and you can't find anything relating to the third, because, you know, I already went through that anxiety and realized that I didn't have to carry the birth certificate with me to the doctor's office for the well-baby checkups, so I guess I can wait to order the certificated copy for this one from the Registrar. And Immunization Record? Eh.... I think that means another trip to the HMO with a request for her shot record. Which I have now done so many times for the middle child that, I swear, the secretary recognized me the last time I requested yet another copy. (One for day care. One for summer camp. One for sports. One for new day care in the fall. One to bring to start-of-school preregistration. Yeah, OK, keeping these highly important documents available to me is not my strong suit.)

Kee-riste. This sort of paperwork just makes my stomach turn over. (Which must be why my passport expired in 1986 and has yet to be renewed. And my signature has changed since then--will this be a problem? But I don't want to sign the new one as I did when I was 19. So maybe I'll just not bother with the passport renewal until "I feel ready to tackle it." And that will be in which century?)

Of course the kicker here is that I sit on the School Board. And I never want to feel as if I'm asking for special treatment (although it's VERY nice when that happens), so I want to have my little ducks in a row to prevent some school secretary from rolling her eyes. But my other two kids are already enrolled--I still have to prove residency? (How would I still be on the school board if I had left town? Doesn't that violate your conditions of office?) Oh Dear. Very much flustered by even reading the list. Now venturing into dark and squishy realms of overthinking. Gack.

In other somewhat related news, I have decided that I never, ever, ever, EVER want to be involved in another posterboard project for school. This year (one 5th grader, one 2nd grader) has been the ne plus ultra for posterboard projects. Fifth grader has brought in three separate posterboards demonstrating various attributes of Massachusetts, her chosen state for the State projects, and she has two more coming up that I know of. Second grader has had to detail his family tree and do (God help me) book reports on posterboard. And they are all due on weird days, like Tuesdays. (Who assigns a project due for a Tuesday???)

They all have ridiculously detailed instructions:

Only on posterboard, not foam board.
The entire posterboard will need to be covered in a solid color other than white.
"Take two posterboards 12" x 28, no larger, no shorter."
"The picture of the Environment goes in the circle in the middle, the picture of Food goes in the square in the upper lefthand corner. Please follow the enclosed diagram."
"Your second grader will need to write all sentences in pencil. You, as a parent, will need to go over his writing with a black felt tip pen. Please, no blue."

Tearing my hair out at the roots. This is educational?? I cannot believe how many trips I have taken to Michael's Arts and Crafts this year to buy posterboard and specific bizarre items such as 40 pink chenille pom-poms. And, of course, black felt tip markers.

And then there's the 100 Days of School project which made me crazy. Thank god my kids are too old for that. "Bring 100 items, but group them in groups of ten and then attach these ten groups to posterboard." Aigh! I forgot! Darling youngest child will soon be in Kindergarten where they do both a family tree and the 100 Days of School! Shoot me now.

I love my schools, and I love the teachers. But the posterboard crap is just insane. Maybe I can convince one of the stepford classroom mothers to adopt my neglected children and oversee the remaining posterboard projects. "Oooo," she'd squeal. "Come on, Johnny! Time for another posterboard project! How about recreating your immunization record on this BIG piece of paper? We can do it in pom-poms!"

Ew.